The following is a response I wrote to an author who wrote “My Book Is Not My Baby”
I feel as though I should apologize to you and all mothers. At my book release party, I told people “I never had a child and this (book) is my baby.”
I can’t even imagine the feelings one goes through while pregnant, during child-birth and after, when one has to deal with that child. But I purposely never had a child because I knew the entire process is painful, very difficult and even heartbreaking at times.
In my case I did feel all these emotions with my novel, from writing the first draft, to the final ms that was turned into the editor, to the exposure of my book to the world. There are many things that are out of my control, and there are many things that are not, yet I didn’t control them.
At one point, I had a misunderstanding with the editor and I, unintentionally, insulted him. The only way I could begin to convince him that it was a mistake was to give him a tip ($200, a little less than 20%). All along this process, I have been hurt and have responded badly because of misunderstanding or not being clear enough, or even sometimes people actually were rudely insulting me or my work.
Looking back, I almost always overreacted. But, whether it was my fault or someone else’s, my heart has been broken several times throughout the process. I have had sleepless nights and days that I walked through like a zombie. I have cried, gotten angry, been too mean and sometimes, even too nice.
Would it have been worse, had I had a child? Definitely! That’s why I never did. A child would have broken my heart over and over. But, like with the novel, I would most likely have come out of it a better, stronger person.
So, although it feels like an apology is what is needed, all I can say is I didn’t feel the physical pain that you and other mothers felt, but the emotional, psychological and heart-felt feelings were there every step of the way. I could not have handled the physical pain, at least that’s what my mother always thought. She was sure I never had a child because I was afraid of the pain. What she didn’t understand was that it wasn’t the physical pain I was afraid of.
I hope this makes sense.
Sherrie Miranda’s historically based, coming of age, Adventure novel “Secrets & Lies in El Salvador” is about an American girl in war-torn El Salvador:
Her husband made a video for her novel. He wrote the song too: