My reply to a young man (or what some call a teen) who is considering giving up because he can’t see the rainbow on the other side of the bend:
I understand your anxiety and frustration with people not being able to see OR not wanting to see your depression.
I was almost the opposite of you. I wore my sadness on my sleeve, cried a billion tears and stopped talking for what seemed like months, all the while waiting for someone to notice my sadness and help me.
No one ever did until I was 39 and my 2nd husband decided he wanted a divorce. I had been crying for more than a week about the loss of a job that, at the time, seemed perfect. After saying he wanted a divorce, he backed up and said he just wanted to “sow his wild oats.” Well, there was no way I would accept that, so I finally decided it was best to go ahead and be alone. Alone, of course, means without a partner, someone to lean on much of the time, but we are never really alone and often, only by not being in a relationship, do we learn how “NOT ALONE” we really are.
I was outwardly depressed and no one bothered to notice or try to help me, but I also never, ever considered suicide. That is why I say I was almost the opposite of you.
On the other hand, I had a beautiful young girl who became my student because she had been sent away from her home school because she was gang-raped. (The boys who raped her all got to stay at THEIR school.) She had ended up pregnant and the day we happened to be alone so she could tell me her story, she said that she had given the baby up for adoption. She cried and said she was so sad and so alone that most of the time she just wanted to die.
This girl had been the sweetest, most bubbly young women I had ever had in my more than a hundred classes I had taught. I couldn’t believe that this was the same girl. I told her about a friend who had adopted two babies and how much he loved them, how fulfilled he was now that he was a father. I told her I was sure she had made some couple very happy and that her baby would receive lots of love.
So, all I can say, Ali, is that you need to find the help yourself. I found help through psychotherapy, both individual and group. I found help through an amazing place called Agape, in their SOM1 class. I later went to a Buddhist therapist and joined group therapy led by him. That was the best, (the Buddhist group therapy), as it involves love and support and courage and meditation. Although I am not very good at sitting still and not thinking, I love guided meditations.
I tried a psychotropic drug once for about a week (the first one on the market), but the day it kicked in, I freaked out at suddenly feeling like there was a veil between me and the world. And from that day on, I have tried every supplement known to man. Many of these helped either temporarily or permanently. My treatment is to get as many of the vitamins, minerals and scant minerals that my body needs. It has helped me both physically and mentally, as well as emotionally. Even drinking water can help ease some people’s depression.
I’m not saying that my answers are yours. I have many friends (especially the ones in LA) who are taking anti-depressants. What I am saying is that you have to find what works for you. You also have to find your bliss. And rather than having a partner, friend or family member who will listen to how terrible you feel, finding someone someday when you have worked through much of your $#!t, who knows you without talking and who, when you are with them, you no longer have those feelings.
I can say I am very happy with my life now. I married a man who respects and loves me with all his heart. And I finally wrote and published the novel I had carried around in my head for years. My husband (my 3rd, his 1st) has been an inspiration to me in many ways. He is a strong believer in following your dreams.
Best of luck to you!
Sherrie Miranda’s historically based, coming of age, Adventure novel “Secrets & Lies in El Salvador” is about an American girl in war-torn El Salvador: http://tinyurl.com/klxbt4y
Her husband made a video for her novel. He wrote the song too:
Dear Lonely Boy,
I know that you are suffering beyond words or pain could measure. It’s hard to explain to others why are you are depressed, anxious and suicidal.
You know that your friends in school are not real. They have been gossiping and spreading lies behind your back. When you need them the most, they left you hanging. Know that they are toxic and deserve to be cut off from your life.
It’s hurtful that even your family members didn’t notice how different you have been. What’s ironic is that your sister who is studying psychology is not aware of your condition. Your parents and siblings are in denial with your condition and, they keep on questioning the doctor’s diagnosis.
The teachers keep emphasising on education because it’s your future but they don’t know that you are dying inside. What’s unbelievable is how doubtful they are when you show the…
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